Sunday, March 11, 2012


The Help is a black and white movie about color.

Sound like a Laffy Taffy joke submitted by Jason H. from Omaha Nebraska?

Well it's not. Quit being insensitive.

The Help explores the beginnings of the civil rights movement in America and the beginnings of obesity in the South.

The culprits for keeping the blacks subjugated? Uppity white women and all the time on their hands.

The culprit for childhood obesity - the ratio of crisco to chicken on every dinner plate south of the Mason Dixie Line.

The Help spend most of their time getting bossed around by snippy, high brow white ladies and make the best of it by laughing boisterously at things that aren't funny, an epidemic that has persisted today through Tyler Perry and TNT's House of Payne.

Have things really changed in 50 years?


Basketball teams still have "owners." Sure, the venues have changed from outdoor plantations to indoor hard wood courts, but Blacks still do most of the work, standing or running for 4 quarters worth of basketball while their "owners" sit in box seats, eat caviar and buy and trade "players" like they're nothing more than a commodity.

Sure advances have been made. Now blacks get shipped off to new owners in private jets instead of the hull of a cargo ship. Instead of drinking from separate fountains, most people would give up their first-born to drink out of the same bottle as Lebron James. They're not indentured servants, they're payed for their time with millions of dollars, loads of women, endorsements from Nike, and a parade in their honor if they win the championship instead of a good flogging after a hard days work.

Are whites better than blacks? No.

Are blacks better than whites? Yes.

Basically anything you can think of. Running, Jumping, Blocking Shots, Bustin' Rhymes, Marrying Beyonce, Being Beyonce, Negotiating with Israel and Palestine, Winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and Narrating Penguin Movies.

Blacks have left whites with a sad history of perverse crimes, and a rich future of trapping beavers and water sports. And rightly so.